Wardrobe to Lift the Spirit
May 15, 2017
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My cousin gave me a garbage bag full of new clothes she can no longer wear. She has a great job and a husband who works hard, and together they've managed to afford for her to keep her closet stocked with some lovely articles of clothing. For me, this means an entirely new wardrobe, which happened at the moment and month when I had just started to question whether my previous wardrobe's age was contributing somewhat to my depression. It's amazing how much a new item of clothing can lift the spirits and remind a person about the light at the end of any tunnel. If I were a wealthy person, I'd love to share gifts with less fortunate people than myself, just to be able to bear witness to the less fortunate person feeling the way it made me feel when I brought my 'new' wardrobe home to my closet. :-)
Having this new wardrobe has given me some brief reminders about how much I value and love my body. I'm still disappointed and sad about putting back on the weight, but the bright side of it is that my gigantic boobs look fantastic in a nice crispy white t-shirt! Win some, lose some.
I'll be visiting the gym tomorrow to request that my sponsorship be renewed. This time I've offered to volunteer some time in exchange for my membership, so hopefully that might provide me with further opportunity to network and eventually secure meaningful employment. And speaking of meaningful employment, I *am* enjoying my freelance reporter job, even though sometimes I can sense the predictability of my writing. Routine is acceptable for me at this point, since I didn't request the opportunity because I wanted any thrilling, life-risking sort of journalism position. It's been a really super learning experience so far. I think it will be even more exciting once I see my first paycheque being transferred over onto my bills and account payables.
Once my gym membership gets renewed, I am also planning to request another orientation, which hopefully will give me an opportunity to meet with a certified trainer and get myself started on some power lifting and deadlifts...which hopefully should facilitate more focus on free weights as I move forward and tackle my weight. The cardio and machines are familiar and comfortable means of ensuring I feel somewhat healthy and fit, but I think I need to motivate myself with challenges and intimidating obstacles before I will feel really accomplished. I'm also hoping that the additional challenge might stir my depression, lift it more, encourage it to return to where it was when I initially lost the 85 pounds. Man I felt great to be muscle mass instead of porkchop chubby.
I've been putting my relationship on hold without discussing it with the guy. He stopped calling me, which I suppose I should feel more heartbroken about, but I mainly just feel a tinge of sadness and slight anger, which could be described more as grief than actual upset feelings. It's not that I'm cheating or even interested in cheating, and I'm not really eager to live alone or lose his friendship either. I mostly feel bored, and I think he and I tend to disagree so much that when we are together, I feel more often disappointed or perceive that he feels disappointed, which is an awkward uncomfortable feeling I'd rather avoid.
I have so much to accomplish so far that relationships and romance aren't really a priority. I honestly never thought the day would come where I would believe myself saying such a thing, but this day has come, and each subsequent day seems to present me with more and more reminders of all of the responsibilities I seem to have no time to successfully fulfill. I've been wanting to do 'spring cleaning' and take down my light shades for over a month now, as an example. I finally moved out the refrigerator myself and cleaned underneath that (*pats self on the back for that*), but the stove remains unmoved and in need of cleaning (I imagine) after three months of saying, "oh, one of these days I will have to move that out from the wall and clean both the sides of the oven and the floor underneath it."
Maybe tomorrow....
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My cousin gave me a garbage bag full of new clothes she can no longer wear. She has a great job and a husband who works hard, and together they've managed to afford for her to keep her closet stocked with some lovely articles of clothing. For me, this means an entirely new wardrobe, which happened at the moment and month when I had just started to question whether my previous wardrobe's age was contributing somewhat to my depression. It's amazing how much a new item of clothing can lift the spirits and remind a person about the light at the end of any tunnel. If I were a wealthy person, I'd love to share gifts with less fortunate people than myself, just to be able to bear witness to the less fortunate person feeling the way it made me feel when I brought my 'new' wardrobe home to my closet. :-)
Having this new wardrobe has given me some brief reminders about how much I value and love my body. I'm still disappointed and sad about putting back on the weight, but the bright side of it is that my gigantic boobs look fantastic in a nice crispy white t-shirt! Win some, lose some.
I'll be visiting the gym tomorrow to request that my sponsorship be renewed. This time I've offered to volunteer some time in exchange for my membership, so hopefully that might provide me with further opportunity to network and eventually secure meaningful employment. And speaking of meaningful employment, I *am* enjoying my freelance reporter job, even though sometimes I can sense the predictability of my writing. Routine is acceptable for me at this point, since I didn't request the opportunity because I wanted any thrilling, life-risking sort of journalism position. It's been a really super learning experience so far. I think it will be even more exciting once I see my first paycheque being transferred over onto my bills and account payables.
Once my gym membership gets renewed, I am also planning to request another orientation, which hopefully will give me an opportunity to meet with a certified trainer and get myself started on some power lifting and deadlifts...which hopefully should facilitate more focus on free weights as I move forward and tackle my weight. The cardio and machines are familiar and comfortable means of ensuring I feel somewhat healthy and fit, but I think I need to motivate myself with challenges and intimidating obstacles before I will feel really accomplished. I'm also hoping that the additional challenge might stir my depression, lift it more, encourage it to return to where it was when I initially lost the 85 pounds. Man I felt great to be muscle mass instead of porkchop chubby.
I've been putting my relationship on hold without discussing it with the guy. He stopped calling me, which I suppose I should feel more heartbroken about, but I mainly just feel a tinge of sadness and slight anger, which could be described more as grief than actual upset feelings. It's not that I'm cheating or even interested in cheating, and I'm not really eager to live alone or lose his friendship either. I mostly feel bored, and I think he and I tend to disagree so much that when we are together, I feel more often disappointed or perceive that he feels disappointed, which is an awkward uncomfortable feeling I'd rather avoid.
I have so much to accomplish so far that relationships and romance aren't really a priority. I honestly never thought the day would come where I would believe myself saying such a thing, but this day has come, and each subsequent day seems to present me with more and more reminders of all of the responsibilities I seem to have no time to successfully fulfill. I've been wanting to do 'spring cleaning' and take down my light shades for over a month now, as an example. I finally moved out the refrigerator myself and cleaned underneath that (*pats self on the back for that*), but the stove remains unmoved and in need of cleaning (I imagine) after three months of saying, "oh, one of these days I will have to move that out from the wall and clean both the sides of the oven and the floor underneath it."
Maybe tomorrow....
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